Mario is one of the most popular and famous videoshame characters ever (though hipsters argue he's the one of the least popular and famous characters ever, as they don't want to admit they like something "Mainstream"). Mario is also a famed war hero, plumber, lawyer, accountant, rock-star, Baby, and frog. Mario is currently first place on Biased Ratings' Top 10 Weirdest People list.
Mario was originally supposed to be a simple fat plumber who liked to eat mushrooms. However, after Chuck Norris got pissed at fate, and roundhouse kicked it, Mario became a super-action-hero that storms castles and saves princesses. Mario's sudden change in character caused many unforeseen ripples throughout the space-time continuum, such as the awakening of Bruce Lee.
Mario was born March 8th 1975 in Mushroom Kingdom. He was raised in the royal castle because they thought he was a god of some sort. They thought this because he had a mustache when he was born. This mustache became the symbol of Mushroom Kingdom for 5 years. They once even called it Mustache Kingdom, but a jerk from Hyrule came in, and cut off the king's mustache, so they once again called it Mushroom Kingdom, and Mario became the hated one.
Mario left Mushroom Kingdom in exile at five years old, deciding to move to Hyrule. However, he was taken prisoner, and locked in a cell for thirty seconds. He was only locked up that long because they forgot to lock the door. Then, all of the guards fell asleep for some random reason. Mario then moved to France. He became the king's royal assistant under-secretary of things that don't really matter in training. This was a very high ranking in mid-evil France.
Return to Mushroom Kingdom
After fifty years working for the king, he has not received one promotion. So, he jumped off a cliff, but survived because the cliff was only three feet high. He moved back to Mushroom Kingdom, where everyone had forgotten about him. He came back as Mr. Mario and worked in a toothbrush factory for ten years. But everyone figured out he was Mario the mustache baby in disguise. They forgot how evil his mustache was, and honored him as a hero. This is when they made Super Mario Cookies.
Mario started his career in the 1600's as a set of Super Mario Cookies. The Super Mario Cookies become so popular, Mario was considered a god again (even though he was just some random loser with a mustache). This is also the time when he first met his long lost brother Luigi. Mario and Luigi became very famous together, to the point where Chuck Norris actually cared.
Mario began appearing in forms of entertainment. Mario was frequently inserted into Renaissance works of literature and art, such as William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet and the famous painting the Mario Lisa.
Everyone had forgotten how awesome Mario was, but when they saw his mustache, he became a hero again. By now, people had stopped making plays and paintings, so they came up with a new way to use Mario. The ghost of Mr. Nintendo paid Mario so many UnDollars, Mario passed out for several hours. When he woke up, Mr. Nintendo made him go in shames. His first shame was called Donkey Kong, and it was based off of Mario and his pet ape. Mario appeared in more shames than any person that ever existed.
Mario is now even more famous than ever, so something bad just has to happen. Bowser came along, and kidnapped Peach. That made Mario abandon his job as a plumber/shame character, and made him save Peach. But then Nintendo started making shames based off these adventures. These are now the most popular Mario shames.
Today, Mario lives in a castle in Mushroom Kingdom, sitting on the couch eating potato chips and watching TV. Mario's only regular appearance in any form of media is in the Super Mario Super Show.
- He has no tonsils, as they were removed as per procedure back in 1975.